Happy birthday!

Baby Evan is here! I spent quite some time today in quiet reflection of the last year of my life - the joys and heartaches that so many friends have experienced.

It just seems so difficult to remember in the thick of the moment that all things do pass. And sometimes they pass in the blink of an eye, with the birth of a new baby, a surprise career change, a windfall experience, etc. and all that drama and pain instantly dissipates into the past. In my personal experience, that sudden absence of worry and anxiety actually incurs a certain amount of worry and anxiety... it's bizarre.

I'll illustrate it in a trivial way -

As I'm transitioning to a new schedule, the panicky and rushed feeling I lived with for 4 years is suddenly gone. And the fact that I don't feel panicked and rushed makes me feel uncomfortable - like there's something I'm missing or forgetting to do. In actuality I feel so free to slow my life down a little, take care of my health, and organize myself to be more productive in the things that really matter. Life is about to get significantly more nuts in the next 4 months and I'm thankful for the opportunity to breathe a bit before that happens.

The whole point here is that God is so good - he is ever-watchful of us in the palm of His hand!

To everything, turn, turn, turn

There is a season, turn, turn, turn...

And a time for every purpose under heaven

Totally unrelated

This has nothing to do with the baby, but we decided to learn how to groom our two miniature schnauzers today! I bought a high-quality clipper set and did the research on the grooming techniques. Dallas did very well, although he wanted nothing to do with having his feet clipped.

Quincy - on the other hand - flipped out before I could finish his beard and his fourth leg. He looks like he is wearing one sock and his beard is only half-cut! Maybe tomorrow we can fix it!

Goodbye, waistline

I downed half a pizza last night after Glam Jam - and it was soooooo goooood. I think it's safe to say my appetite is back.

I have been really good about my diet so far. Unintentional portion control has actually caused a bit of weight loss up so far. I'm getting lots of dairy (yogurt, cottage cheese, cream cheese, milk) and lots of fiber (doctored-up english muffins and a supplement). I've stayed away from the bad stuff (sugars and caffeine and empty carbs). I've added vegetables to most dinners and downed water like it's going off the planet. So far. Sense the theme?

I notice now that I am starting to really want the "bad" stuff that I used to munch pre-pregnancy without remorse - soda, greasy french fries, donuts and coffee, and oh yeah - half a pizza. I heard somewhere that you should just indulge a small bit of the naughty food to keep yourself happy and forget the craving. Right - it's kind of like potato chips - you can't have just one!!!

So this morning I'm living in the land of food-regret. But even in the moment somehow I'm having an epic inner struggle as to whether or not to throw on my sneakers and sunglasses and go get donuts and a big fat cheesy kolache at the shop up the road.

I guess regret is not all THAT bad.....

So thoughtful

We received a gift today from a friend of the Allen family - the sweetest, palest-blue hand-made blanket. I of course burst into tears.

We also received a blessing card today from Grandpa Toenjes. This is the prayer it contained:

O Mary, most pure Virgin and Mother of God! Be mindful of that moment when you saw your newly born Babe for the first time and folded Him in your arms. Through this joy to your maternal heart, obtain for me the grace that I and my child may be protected from all dangers of soul and body.

Oh Mary, Mother of my Savior! Be mindful of the unspeakable joy you received when, after three days of painful seeking, you again found your Divine Son. Through this great joy, obtain for me the grace to bring into the world a healthy and well-formed child.

I come to you, Mary, in these hours of expectancy with confidence and love. hear my prayers and accept as your own the precious treasure God is entrusting to me. I offer you and your Son the body, soul, and entire life of my child. Help me to be a good mother in word and example that my little one may learn of your greatness and grow in love for you and your Son. Amen.

OW!!!

Latest weird symptom the last few days is stabbing pain in my *blush* tooshie! Well, lower back too I guess... but it's incredibly painful to walk on my right leg. I put in a call to the OB, chiropractor, and have been researching in my books and online. The best I can tell so far is that it's pregnancy-related sciatica. It crops up in the 2nd trimester because your body shifts and puts pressure on a nerve that runs through your lower back, heinie, and leg. I'm headed to the chiropractor on Thursday for a check-up and adjustment and in the meantime I will make it back to yoga. Apparently any spine-elongating stretches are supposed to be really good - and they're really good for life in general.

I'm working from home today with my feet up, which feels great! I consolidated the errands today and pushed deliveries to tomorrow.

Grandma Audrey spoiled me this weekend with some pretty new clothes! It feels great to be able to breathe in my pants!

Mom's CD was released this week, and it's been so fun to celebrate. I'm so grateful to have this as a part of her legacy for my babies!

100 pounds lighter!

It's a boy! A cute one!

We went in for our ultrasound today with lots of mixed emotions - relief that it was finally here, anxiety over the potential results, excitement over seeing the little one squirm around, and hope that everything was going to work out just fine.

When we were finally seen, the technician went through a barrage of photos and measurements, reassuring us that it didn't matter that we had no idea what we were looking at! He moved so quickly through the scan that we were amazed. This was the sequence of events. It took place in about 8 seconds:

Tech: Raise your shirt please.

Me: Okay.

Tech: (ultrasound goop everywhere and scope on belly) Do you want to know the gender?

Us: Yes!

Tech: It's a boy!

Honestly, within the first 5 seconds of the exam he told us! It was so fast I laughed!

We were able to see each kidney, all parts of the brain, the stomach, cord, bladder, and heart. His arms are reeeeally long! His heart rate was a little slower today, 126, which is apparently just fine. Anywhere between 110 and 160 is A-OK! LJ was turned completely upside-down and backwards today, so it was really difficult to get a good peek at his face. The tech all of a sudden smacked me with the scope a few times (a little warning would have been nice!) and got him to move a little so we could get a good photo of at least part of his face.

After the initial exam, the tech sent the doctor in. She went through another basic scan and was really cute; she asked if it was a boy pumpkin or a girl pumpkin, and then talked to him as she was trying to find his face!

Some things I learned today:

• The nose bone, neck fold, and limb proportions are three major checkpoints for Down's Syndrome
• Heart defects are the most prominent/likely abnormalities in a child with Down's Syndrome
• Even at 17 weeks you can see every single bone, even though they haven't fully calcified yet

Long story short, she cut our risk factor in half after the exam today. I like her approach: we are now at .5% risk that LJ would have Down's Syndrome. The only factor left is a heart scan, which we'll go back in for in September. His heart is too little right now to be able to accurately dismiss any signs of weakness/defects.

Jack punked me PERFECTLY!! He made me swear to secrecy, that we weren't going to tell anyone the gender. I played the game, kept the secret, and tried to think of ways to wear him down over the next few weeks. He got home from rehearsal, gave me the third degree about whether or not I kept the secret, and then looked me square in the eye as he picked up the phone, called his family, and said, "By the way, it's a boy!" I must have punched him 100 times! It's fair play though... payback for my making him wait 14 weeks to tell anyone we were expecting! It was so fun to share our news with everyone today, especially at TWUMC. We have the most amazing group of family and friends!

SUCH a relief today. I feel better today than I have felt since we found out in May. We have had so many people watching and hoping and praying for good news and good health. I know guardian angels were all around us today and I am so thankful for the good news. It is all in His hands and I'm grateful and humbled.

Linda sent this scripture in a text this morning, and it was a great comfort. Our paths are already written, already planned, already blessed, and already protected!

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup,

you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places,

surely I have a delightful inheritance.

-- Psalm 16:5-6

Did I do that?

I am typically fairly scatter-headed, but this is getting ridiculous! I love to cook, and while I'm at it for dinner I'll make our brown-bag lunches for the next day. Standing in front of the refrigerator last night, I asked Jack what he would like in his lunch for today. I listened intently to his answer, closed the fridge, and forgot to make the lunch. I didn't realize it until this morning, after he had already left for school.

He realized what I had done, didn't say a word, and made it himself. What a guy. He has been increasingly sweet over the last couple weeks... I think he can tell how irritated I am with myself!!