A little back-story

My grandmother has taught me that there is no better story than the one you've written for yourself! So here is a little snapshot of mine. For those who are hopping into the story without much background, here's a "crash course" in what's happened so far:

I first found out I was pregnant in November of 2007. We were thrilled… surprised, but thrilled! In late January of 2008, however, we experienced a miscarriage. I am sure this blog will lend itself to a more detailed account of this experience sometime soon.

I found out about our second pregnancy in early May of 2009 and was just as thrilled! Between then and now, we’ve already been through a roller-coaster of emotions and events… joy and gratitude, a couple scary emergency trips to the doctor, weeks of watching, resting, and waiting, and finally some great news that helped settle our hearts and relax our nerves. We had our 12-week appointment last week and were met with great news – the heartbeat is strong, 150 beats per minute for all our musician friends, and there’s no reason to suspect anything is not as it should be.

Despite the great news, I am stuck in this strange place between overwhelming gratitude (relief) and anxiety. I looked at Jack in the OB’s office and heard the words come out of my mouth, “I bet these visits are really fun for people who are normal!” Not that we are abnormal in any way – in fact, I had no idea how many people have actually experienced miscarriage at some point – but having been through it, I feel like it's created a strange cloud of anxiety over all things. The word on the street is that in time the cloud fades. I have no doubt that is true but in the meantime it creates a bizarre guardrail between your mind and heart. Surely this is our frail human way to protect ourselves from pain. It's so hard to remember that we are not meant to live in that pain but instead we are designed to live in gratitude and expectancy of abundant blessings!

As a woman of faith I believe that God knows the plan even when I don’t, and the best I can do is faithfully put one foot in front of the other. Everything in this life happens for a reason, and I realize that even the most painful circumstances are designed to teach and grow us.

We can either crumble and quit, or chin up and keep going…. And I’m eternally grateful for this tiny miracle of a reminder that ours is the God of second chances!!